where in the world is the girl I remember? the one who sat in front of computer keys and could move her fingers in such a way that would produce the emotions of her heart. the paper journal that kept her inmost words was lonely for days which has now turned into months.
these days are quiet because I am without exact words. me, that girl. my pillow is full aware of the over abundance of thought. the tossing and turning are direct proof that much is going on.
my forever companion, my purple bible, is sitting here next to me. it opens to certain pages with highlighted words that bring tears to my eyes. the tears that are not happy, not sad, just plain emotion, an overflow.
and to be honest, right here in this very moment, at 7:54 am, I once again realized something.
I am full. not in the natural sense and not in the spiritual sense. in the way that I have been holding my breath trying to not let one thought move before I have it all figured out. or before I can get it all out. it is true. here I sit like a water balloon dressed in my happy color. all my strength is spent making sure the hard twisted tie will not unravel. let's not mention the work it is to stay clear of all things powerful enough to poke in.
it is time.
breathe in. breathe out. release.
it is me, that girl, who has been here before. like an offering I open and pour out the words that I fear will not return. I trust, I know, that You do not return void. teach me again. renew my heart, renew my mind with the thoughts and moments of You. this girl needs You. me, I need you. open my eyes so that I may see your presence throughout this day. soften my heart to leap in joy over your romantic ways and my mouth to give you praise. love.
